Dwelling on the negative, negates happiness

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So I am sitting here, just watching my twitter feed and browsing around the web not doing too much of anything in particular. Then I got an email notification from Jodi Aman about a new video she posted up. Of course I hopped over to her channel to check it out and I am so glad I did.

Jodi is leading the charge in support of all who suffer from Anxiety, and for sure that includes me. Anxiety rules my life too much as it is, I freely admit that. So one of the tools that I use to help me in this war against Anxiety is by following Jodi Aman. Her recent video, Secrets of Really Happy People, just totally got me thinking.

I confess I am not always a happy person.  I mean sure I have my moments but when it comes down to it I tend to have a negative outlook on life more often than I care to admit. That’s not healthy, but it’s me and it’s real. I am trying to change that, but man is it ever a slow process!

I attribute that negative thinking on how I was raised and the abuse I suffered as a child. Those events crushed my self-esteem and left me with a severe lack of confidence. Add to that, failed relationships and it’s easy to see how negativity can be an all too easy road to walk down.

A big part of healing is whether or not we are going to embrace the change necessary to reach our goal of feeling better and being able to thrive.

It’s not enough to watch videos, read blogs, talk to others, and do a million different coping skills if we aren’t willing to believe it will all actually work. If we are just going through the motions, we’re just wasting our time, right?!

As survivors, how often do we hold on to the negative? We tend to give a negative situation so dwelling-on-the-negative-300x300 Dwelling on the negative, negates happinessmuch attention that it infiltrates us and takes over our being. If we already have problems letting go as it is, dwelling on the negative just keeps fueling the fire of sadness and depression.

If we’re already feeling stuck, we are just digging the hole even deeper.  OK, enough of the witty cliché’s.  I’m sure you get the point. 

When somebody says something to us that is anything other than validating, we have a choice of how we’re going to react. Will we hold on to it or let it go?

I say, we actually try letting it go! Damn, that sounds hard ,right! I can feel the anxiety rush starting even as I type this, but let’s continue. 

Nobody has the right to tear us down, to invalidate us, to make us feel like we are worthless. Nobody has the right to demean our work, or social activities, or judge how we live our lives. It’s our choice as a human being and we don’t have to answer to “Joe or Jane Know It All” who seems to have it all together.

Life is hard enough as it is, and healing from trauma makes it even harder. The last thing we need is, to let the hurtful words of others ruin our chance at happiness.

So let it go, don’t give them the time of day. Don’t let their negative statements run around in your mind like an out of control, caffeinated hamster in his wheel. Or as I like to say, don’t let it feed your Guilty Gremlin because that little dude just loves to invalidate us and keep us stuck.

Our lives don’t suck (as much as we may like to think they do at times).  A moment in time can most definitely suck though! If we can curb the desire to hold on to the negative moments, one at a time, we can realize just how good life can be. We can realize just how awesome we really are!

Fight off the urge to give into the negativity and invalidation of the moment at hand. Let it pass, it is what it is. It’s hard for a time, but it doesn’t have to bring us down with it.

Just tell yourself, “I’m not going to give in to *insert situation or person*, I deserve to be happy”. Then turn your attention to something positive about yourself. Focus on anything but the negative situation.

The more we do this the better we equip ourselves to handle future situations that used to bring us down.  We deserve to be happy!  We’ve lived life being miserable long enough so let’s try doing the opposite!

-Matt

 

Here is Jodi’s Video – I  hope you’ll check it out! She’s amazing!

 

 

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Blogger-Podcaster-Advocate for Mental Health.

Matt is survivor of childhood sexual abuse & narcissistic abuse, living with Dissociation, Anxiety, & PTSD.

This blog exists to inspire all who have survived the trauma of abuse. All posts, podcasts, and videos are my life as a survivor shared openly and honestly to help inspire as many as possible to speak up, speak out, and not be ashamed.

2 Responses to " Dwelling on the negative, negates happiness "

  1. This is one of my all-time favorite Jodi Aman Videos. Thanks Matt, for always adding value!

  2. Thank you for sharing this video, Smiles, my heart was recently broken by a man who said he loved me (not Ivan, someone else) and this video helped a lot. I’m trying to subtract meaning from the situation. One of my alters has both bipolar and borderline, so when she feels she feels sooooo strongly. The good thing about having DID as a defense mechanism is that I can compartmentalize my emotions in the here and now so that I can function. However, deep inside, a part of me is still hurt. Knowing how to healthily detach from a person or situation is so key!

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