My letter to Anxiety

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It’s no secret that writing out our feelings helps us understand ourselves better. Whether it’s journaling, blogging, or simply writing letters that never you intend to send; putting our thoughts down in written word can be an amazing healing tool to utilize.

I would be remiss if I didn’t credit the amazing Jodi Aman for the inspiration of this post. In her book, You 1 Anxiety 0, one of the chapters talks about writing a letter to our Anxiety.

So, this letter to tell Anxiety just how it makes me feel, and my desire to no longer give it power in my life. This is my exercise to exert my power over Anxiety, and take my life back from it.

Dear old friend…it’s time for you to go.

Anxiety, this is me talking to you right now. This is Matt, the guy who you’ve had so much control over during these last 40 years or so.

anxiety-and-stress-232x300 My letter to AnxietyIf there is a wall of fame (or shame) somewhere in your mansion of despair, I’d bet that I’m probably on it. I mean, after all you’ve had your way with me for as long as I can remember, but I’ve taking steps to reduce your power and your time in my mind is quickly coming to an end.

You know that I was sexually abused a child, from that teenager and family friend up the street. You’ve used that to hold me back, hold me down, and keep me stuck for decades now. You’ve made me feel like complete hell, like I am not worth a damn, and that I have no chance for a fulfilling life.

You also know that I was bullied in school, and you’ve taken full advantage of that. Again infiltrating every being of my self-esteem and making sure that I never forget how those mean kids treated me. Every time I think that I am starting to make strides in my recovery, you know that experience has been a tried and true way to bring me back to the reality you’ve created for me…that I’ve allowed you to create.

What about how I was raised, man you’ve had a field day with that one too. This one has been somewhat of a silent assassin for you hasn’t it, Anxiety? I never realized that I was raised in a way that invalidated me so much. I never put two and two together that the emotional absence of a caregiver was a big reason for how little self-confidence I have in my life. How difficult it is to try to live life for myself and make my own decisions.

You make sure that you have that situation at your ready anytime you need to really stick it to me these days, don’t you?  Now that I’m actually taking steps to explore that part of my childhood and early growing up years, you are doing all you can to hold me back. Working overtime I bet too!

Your influence in my life is seemingly boundless. Whether at work or home, with friends or family, in any relationship, any endeavor that I undertake; your little nagging voice keeps hanging around. Your nagging voice continually causes me to pause and doubt who I am and what I’m capable of.

I can’t even begin to count the times when I was considering trying something new; going out of my comfort zone enough to explore some new part of what has to offer, but you succeeded in holding me back. Through all of that you’ve been there right my side telling me to not even bother, there’s no point,stress-and-anxiety-300x213 My letter to Anxiety you can’t possibly succeed.

This is my letter to you to tell you to get the hell out of my head, and out of my life! Your time here is done, you are no longer welcome here and I am hereby stripping you of your power.

You’ve had your day in the sun with me, your 15 minutes of fame if you will (more like 40+ years of fame). You no longer get to have a say in how my life is run, the decisions I make, whether big or small. This is my life and I will no longer sink, but swim.

Oh I know there will be times when I remember the things you’ve told me over the years, and I may pause for a brief time but I will not give in like I used too. If I take a step back, I will take 2 more steps forwards and leave you behind.

I’m going to keep this letter handy and refer to it as often as I need too, anytime I need to remind you to leave me alone.

I will keep it on my phone, in my email, on my Facebook, I will tweet it out often. I will post it in my room and keep a copy of it in my car. I will read it often to empower myself to keep kicking you out of my life.

Take your invalidating and discouraging self and hit the road…oh and please be sure let the door hit you on the way out.

Sincerely and Empowered…

-Matt

 

Images courtesy of Pixabay

 

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Blogger-Podcaster-Advocate for Mental Health.

Matt is survivor of childhood sexual abuse & narcissistic abuse, living with Dissociation, Anxiety, & PTSD.

This blog exists to inspire all who have survived the trauma of abuse. All posts, podcasts, and videos are my life as a survivor shared openly and honestly to help inspire as many as possible to speak up, speak out, and not be ashamed.

4 Responses to " My letter to Anxiety "

  1. Amanda says:

    Hello Matt. I enjoyed reading this. Since Jody Aman wrote, “Dear Fear: A Dear John Letter To Your Anxiety,” so many people have contacted us to say that it’s changed their whole attitude towards anxiety. Anxiety was no longer this faceless, bodyless thing enveloping them. As you mentioned, writing the goodbye letter to anxiety was truly empowering and led to change.
    http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2013/01/dear-fear-a-dear-john-letter-to-your-anxiety/

    Thank you for sharing your story. Amanda

    • Matt says:

      Thank you so much Amanda, I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I’m a big fan of Healthy Place so I’m honored that you checked out my letter to Anxiety. Jodi Aman is definitely amazing! 🙂

  2. Excellent blog post Matt. Great way of putting it into words. Don’t accept any spam from anxiety either – its just a trick!

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