Self doubt and second guessing past relationships.

FeaturedPodcastRelationships and Mental Health

Written by:

Views: 271

Mental Health is such a broad topic.  When we think of those words, Mental Health, we often think think of things like Depression, OCD, Dissociative Disorders, bipolar, eating disorders, surviving a traumatic past, just to name a small few.

However our overall Mental Health is also affected by our relationships. Spouse, partner, friends, colleagues, church groups, etc. all can play a huge role in our lives. At the same time, our emotional well being can affect the mental health of our partner and family.

So for this particular topic, I wanted to share some thoughts about how transitioning in relationships can greatly affect our overall mental health and emotional well being. And also how a seemingly “no big deal” event can trigger us into self doubt and second guessing what happened.

I decided to create a podcast about this as well, which you can listen to below. This is a very delicate topic for me, and so many others who have been through divorce or had other types or relationships end when we didn’t see it coming.

I have been divorced twice, with my 2nd marriage ending in early 2013. 

When a marriage or long time relationship comes to an end, the emotional toll can be unbelievablywe-second-guess-ourselves-long-after-a-relationship-has-ended-300x134 Self doubt and second guessing past relationships. devastating to deal with. Similarly, when a friendship comes to an end over a disagreement, or we have a falling out with a sibling or parent, the emotional toll can be extremely difficult.

Often times we can see the “writing on the wall” and realize that we need to take action in order to try and save the relationship before it completely falls apart. Which brings on a whole new level of stress:

  • Should I try and save this marriage?
  • Am I really doing so many things wrong?
  • Is what he, or she, said about me really true?
  • Should I go to counseling, do we need counseling?

Unfortunately we don’t always see something coming until it’s already too late. Sometimes we are just too closely involved in the situation to realize that things are changing right before our very eyes. Other times we just maybe weren’t as emotionally involved as we maybe should have been and we missed some tell tale signs that we could have noticed and acted upon had we been fully involved and present.

Be that as it may; none of us is perfect. If there’s one thing in this world that can always drive us to second guess ourselves relentlessly, it’s a marital relationship.

When the unfortunate happens, and a marriage (or long term relationship) ends, there’s an endless supply of second guessing ourselves.

  • Was it all me?
  • Maybe if I had paid more attention?
  • How could I have missed this or that?
  • Why didn’t I listen to so and so when they said something wasn’t right?
  • What if…(insert your own)?

I did plenty of that second guessing, and I still do at times, but honestly what it comes down is that we can beat ourselves up 9 ways to Sunday but the outcome is still the same. When someone leaves for any reason, our emotions go topsy turvy and we can experience the 5 stages of grief because of the loss.

I’ll let the podcast take it from here, as I explain in more detail about how even long after a relationship ends, there can still be emotional pain  and hurt to work though. Even when you think you are doing “ok”, and you’ve begun to move forward, events can transpire which start the second guessing all over again.

I hope you’ll give it a listen, and also consider sharing it with those who might need some encouragement and validation of the hurt they are experiencing now.

-Matt

 

Feature image and post image courtesy of Pixabay.

847c5c806b7247eec7709d49a90e694a?s=100&d=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.survivingmypast.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2016%2F08%2Fsurvivor-ribbon-avatar-teal-large Self doubt and second guessing past relationships.
Blogger-Podcaster-Advocate for Mental Health.

Matt is survivor of childhood sexual abuse & narcissistic abuse, living with Dissociation, Anxiety, & PTSD.

This blog exists to inspire all who have survived the trauma of abuse. All posts, podcasts, and videos are my life as a survivor shared openly and honestly to help inspire as many as possible to speak up, speak out, and not be ashamed.

One Response to " Self doubt and second guessing past relationships. "

  1. L Wool says:

    Hi Matt, Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s nice to get the male perspective of transitioning in relationships that can affect our overall mental health and emotional well being. I’ve learned a lot about myself in my most recent breakup, which was just a week ago. I’m staying strong and when those moments of self doubt come about, I’m learning to tell myself that I am okay even though things didn’t work out. I didn’t realize just how stressful the relationship was for me, and that I was slowly losing myself in him, which is a pattern of mine over the years. I need to hang on to who I really am. ~ Lori

Reply with your thoughts

Tweet
Share
+1
Pin
Reddit
Email