Wishing we could take away the pain.

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How often have you heard someone wish that they could take away the pain that we are suffering? How often have we said those very words to someone we know who is suffering? It’s a kind thought to share and it shows how much we care about others.

After all who better to relate to and support others than someone like us, who’s been there and felt those same emotions, right?!

During a recent conversation with a colleague, I was one of those Eeyore type of moods. Those times when everything just seems hopeless, there’s no way out, and nobody understands. Kinda feeling sorry for myself basically.

I’m certainly not minimizing those feelings, God knows I have them more often than I care to admit, but they just remind me of Eeyore. I guess it’s a way to make me smile a bit in the face of struggle.

Anyways, a friend recently told me how much she wished she could take my pain away when I was talking about a rough week I recently had.

This got my analytical brain moving and processing the idea of being able to take away someone’s pain and if that would really be a good idea.  Of course we can’t wave a magic wand and *poof* everything is all good, but even if we could how beneficial would that be?

It goes without saying that if we could change the past, we’d never want anyone to go through any type of abuse, much less ourselves.  After all it’s changed our lives in ways we could never imagine then, and ways we wish we could forget now.

While thinking about this topic, I came across an Instagram post from a person I follow, Fightingformei. She had posted a short video, which I encourage you to watch, it only takes less than a minute.

The little boy who came across the struggling butterfly and wanted to save it from its struggle, had the best of intentions and clearly a kind heart.  However, the struggle that each butterfly goes through while working its way free of its chrysalis is what ultimately gives it the strength to be able to take off and fly as soon as it breaks free.

I couldn’t have said the following any better:

The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.” Keep going, my love. You are stronger than you could ever imagine. Fight for your life, for yourself. You deserve recovery. You are worthy, as am I, even when we don’t feel that way. One day we’ll look back and be so glad we didn’t give up, that we pushed through the challenges, that we crawled to the finish line through our exhaustion and sweat and tears. One day, we will fly.

I think I was meant to see this video today. Call it fate, luck, divine intervention, or whatever you want. Watching it, and then reading that short statement of encouragement and hope just reaffirmed to me that all of this struggle is worth it.

It’s easy to sit back and tell ourselves that our struggle is real, because it is real. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Sometimes those clichés can become so common place that they lose their luster but sometimes they hit us just when we need them the most.

There’s nothing wrong with needing to be reminded that we are on this journey for a reason and that we will prevail if we are determined.

The struggle we go through is making us who we are. It’s forming new neural pathways in our brains. It’s retraining our minds to look at situations differently, to react in a more constructive, affirming, positive manner to stress and anxiety.

We are learning to be kind to ourselves and at the same time strengthening our resolve to heal.

Taking away the pain would be nice, surely it would. If I had the chance to have it all taken away I probably would, but ya know what, I can’t.  So I might as well keep moving forward and doing what I can to better myself.

Not only will I reap the benefits of this work, but others will too.  I’ll fly one day, you’ll fly one day, and we’ll have a big ole’ survivor butterfly party in the brightest, greenest, meadow in the world.



image courtesy of http://wonderwordz.com/

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Blogger-Podcaster-Author-Advocate for Mental Health.

Matt is survivor of childhood sexual abuse & narcissistic abuse, living with Dissociation, Anxiety, & PTSD.

This blog exists to inspire all who have survived the trauma of abuse. All posts, podcasts, and videos are my life as a survivor shared openly and honestly to help inspire as many as possible to speak up, speak out, and not be ashamed.

7 Responses to " Wishing we could take away the pain. "

  1. Matt thank you. An interesting post and interesting ideas.

    Let’s not wait for the perfect butterfly to emerge; let’s know that we’re flying now. Today is the only day we have; and blogging and helping others is an immeasurable reward.

    • Matt says:

      Thanks Serena! 🙂 I feel like the struggles that I go through now are preparing me for what is to come. I don’t think I’m ready to fly quite yet but I know I’m starting to jump around and flap my wings a bit, and that’s definite progress 🙂 . While I wish I would never have gone through the abuse, it’s made me realize what my true calling is and what I am really meant to do with my life. Well with the second half of my life at least 🙂

  2. Charlie Jaxx says:

    This was a beautiful and enlightening post. The quote about the butterfly really hit home for me as you well know. Thank you for keeping hope alive for us. And validating us each chance you get. I can’t relate to the CSA. But I can relate to the depression, anxiety. And being a survivor of 3 suicide attempts (wow that was hard to say) reading the encouragement and so much positivity fills my heart and keeps the darkness at bay. Thank you so much for ALL you do. Just know YOU are validated and YOU are loved as well.

  3. Baby chickens are the same, if you help them come out of their egg they will not have the strength to live.

  4. Susan says:

    Great piece I also believe that sometimes ppl, with good intentions wade in and try rescuing you. I’m talking post trauma, that’s nice but it also has left me feeling paranoid. I have PTSD and BPD my anxiety is through the roof and I’m a recovering addict.
    I was abused as a child and allowed myself to be abused as an adult. I even believed I deserved it. I know like the butterfly I have to find the strength to break free from all the side effects I’ve been left with. I however am finding it VERY HARD. Due to flashbacks I isolate myself I hate sometimes can’t leave the house and that is no life. Recently call it fate or divine intervention 🤓 I keep coming across blogs videos whatever akin to yours. What’s really happening is I am seeking them out and that alone tells me I have the strength it’s just gently does it for me cheers mate.

  5. Excellent thoughts Matt. I know that some of what I have been through has made me into what I am (the good parts). In many ways, if I wouldn’t have been able to go through the pain, there are many things that I would not have discovered. Granted, I sometimes so wish that the pain would have been a little less. Through the work I’ve learned, we ask people to go into the painful moments on the table, but not into overwhelm and retraumatization, but almost to the edge of what they can experience. It helps build the mind and body up to take on more of the pain without being too much for the person. I’ve had to go through that same thing because for some of what I’ve been through, it was just too much. Some days it still is.

    I love how you share your personal struggles here too… Those Eeyore moments…

    Keep sharing dude. You rock. You’re making a difference and you’re healing!

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