It’s been quite awhile since I’ve gone longer than 5 days in between sessions, and today I can feel the stress starting to set more as the evening hits. Even as I write this, my mind is wandering about how in the world I’ll get everything out I want too on Wednesday. Will I remember it all? And, it’s on Sunday night right now. Talk about time traveling in my mind!
Anxiety Tracking: (see reference chart below)
Wake Up – Normal – Can’t complain too much, slept in way later than usual and had a pretty decent morning. Wouldn’t say it was an Anxiety level of “good” but I’ll take normal, this week especially.
Morning – Good – After waking up and getting going, it was a nice relaxing morning. No events to speak of, nice for a change.
Afternoon – Elevated then Good- Elevated while at the pet store and at Walmart. I think everybody came out today to get fish and supplies from Petsmart and of course everybody is at Walmart all the time. Tons of people everywhere and kids carrying on, dogs barking, parents arguing, epic long lines at checkout.
After I got home though, things settled down a bit and I did some reading, took a short nap, and watched a movie.
Evening – Elevated – Despite being a pretty lazy day overall. I would hope for calm and relaxing, Good anxiety levels on a day like today but that’s just not my luck.
Bed – Will update once I’m ready to crash out for the night.
Coping Skills used today –
- Music – My daily coping skill. Can’t live without it.
- Reaching out to some friends online for some encouragement.
- Reading, and took a hot bath. That usually helps, and it did for awhile.
- Cooked a nice roast with potatoes and corn. Cooking is a great coping skill to keep your mind off your troubles.
Distraction Skills used today –
- Hopped on the Anchor app on iPhone to engage in some random conversation to distract my mind.
- Watched, Heart of the Sea. I wanted to see it in the theater but didn’t get a chance too.
Random thoughts of happenings throughout the day –
- Able to go to the pet store and get our first starter fish for the new aquarium. I have a Red Eared Slider turtle that I’ve had for over 4 years now, and she’s very cool, but there’s something about fish, they’ve always relaxed me and I always wanted a nice aquarium. Plus the sounds of running water is so relaxing too.
- Would you believe something as peaceful and calming as fish, actually is causing some higher Anxiety than expected though? I only say that because this setup is still new and I don’t think the chemical balance in the tank is quite right, so of course that’s concerning. Now I’m thinking about having to go into the pet store tomorrow to have the water tested. There goes my overthinking mind again.
- On top of that, two doctor appointments during the day as well on Monday. One is a follow up for blood work I had done a month ago. The other is just a check in with my family doc to see about upping the dosage on my Fluoxetine. Actually looking forward to the family doc, as I’m hoping she’ll increase it a bit to see if we can get the effectiveness kicking into gear a bit more.
Outlook until the next session –
Have to admit I’m not looking forward to tomorrow during the day, and there’s still about 3 days yet until I can talk to my therapist again. I’m starting to really feel the pressure this evening. Dissociated several times while making dinner, and watching TV. I’m hoping I can sleep tonight because Monday comes early, taking the youngest to school and then starting my day. I’m counting on my Kindle to help unwind before I try and sleep.
My normal state consists of parts of the Yellow section. General Anxiety, Fidgety, Restless, Forgetful, Negative Thinking, etc. When I do feel Good, it’s only temporary. My mind is always on something. On a bad day I’m either into the red or right on the border of yellow & red
Normal – Just into into Yellow, but knowing something could happen at anytime to send me into elevated status, is always on my mind.
Elevated – Close to border of Yellow & Red
High – Right on the border of Yellow & Red, if not just into the Red
Crisis – Definitely well into the Red.