Home 5 Stages of Grief Depression, what’s the point of even trying anymore?

Depression, what’s the point of even trying anymore?

by Matt Pappas

We’ve experienced denial, then anger, then bargaining, and now we come to depression.

Already mentally exhausted from coming to grips with the abuse, we can easily feel like we are at the end of our rope.

I’ve been there, I still battle depression. It normally hits me randomly rather than being a constant state in my daily life. Sometimes it hits right after a particularly intense session with a professional. Other times I’m triggered out of the blue and down for the count for an evening or a weekend.

Those mystery ninja triggers are so frustrating and just irritating. You don’t see them coming and they hit like a freight train!

We sit at home on a weekend, not wanting to go out because we just don’t feel like it. We don’t want to5-stages-of-grief-depression be around other people, to begin with, much less happy people. Even going to the grocery store and needing to interact with a happy cashier seems like “just too much work”.

We don’t want people to come over and try to cheer us up, because it’s either going to feel like they are placating or we don’t want to bring them down because then we’d feel even worse.

Besides, they couldn’t possibly understand what we are going through anyway. I admit I’ve thought like that; totally not ashamed to admit it. It’s reality here people.  

It’s so much easier to sit alone in the dark, to stay at home and just sleep or watch TV, than try to fight through the sadness. The thought of picking ourselves up by our bootstraps and going on seems pointless.

We feel like we are damaged goods. We were sexually abused, raped, trafficked, abandoned, starved…insert your own experience here.

Why would anyone want to hang around us if they knew the truth of what we went through? We feel dirty, used up, cheap, and like we just don’t deserve to be out and about, living our life the way others are. Much less living a life we hoped to have for ourselves.

We can’t trust anyone to keep their word, and on top of that, we can’t trust ourselves to make good decisions. The fewer times we have to put ourselves in a position of opening up to others and risk getting hurt or hurting someone we love, the more justified we feel. We can rationalize that so easily…I know because I’ve done it.

This stage can last a very long time because depression has a way of getting ahold of us and not so easily letting go.

In the case of survivors, when we are going through the stages of grief about our past, it can be a frustrating situation.

Not only are we depressed because we are aware of the emotional and physical trauma we endured, but we may have suffered from depression before we ever knew why in the first place.

Talk about a double whammy!

study by King’s College in London showed that after reviewing 26,000 people, those who experienced at least 1 of the following situations as a child were more than twice as likely to experience depression as an adult.

  • Rejecting interaction from their mother.
  • Harsh discipline reported by a parent.
  • Unstable caregiver throughout childhood.
  • Self-reports of harsh physical or sexual abuse.

So, once we come to grips that we were twice as likely to experience depression, we get even more depressed. Then we find out why we are feeling depressed, and it gets even worse.

The whole situation is a chain effect and it’s like, can we catch a break?!

Exploring our past is deep, powerful, work and the truth is painful to accept.

We need to be aware of how intense these feelings are, and not try to go it alone. It’s important, as I’ve found out first hand, to seek out help. I know it sounds cliché, trust me I get it.

What’s the alternative here? We stay home, secluded in our safe room, away from a cruel world that doesn’t understand why we feel the way we do. While it’s true that not everyone understands, we can’t use that as a reason to stay closed off from the world forever.

depression-quote-project-life-masteryYou deserve more than that, whether you believe it or not right now. Once you do start to embrace that you can sit with the depression and slowly crawl your way out, it can be very powerful. You start to believe what others have told you and what you wanted to believe for yourself all along.

When you break down your feelings and analyze them with someone who understands, you can start to piece together why you feel the way you do. You can begin to see that there is a healing light in the distance that may not have been present before, but it begins to shine just a little bit brighter as we work through our past.

I challenge myself as I write this and I challenge you, to accept that it’s ok to go through depression during your survivor journey. Sit with it, feel it, embrace it, but most importantly seek out help to work through it so it doesn’t continue to rule your life.

There is hope and there is healing, and the fact that we’ve come this far in the 5 Stages of Grief means that freeing feeling of Acceptance is ahead just waiting for us with open arms.


Check out the entire series on the 5 Stages of Grief for Survivors by clicking here. 


Feature image courtesy of pixabay.com – other images credited in tags and urls.

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Charlie October 27, 2016 - 12:31 pm

This post hits way too close to home for me as I struggle with depression everyday. Since I’ve gotten into therapy, the light at the end of the tunnel seems a bit brighter as I go through my healing and recovery journey. As a suicide survivor, it’s important for me to embrace the support and help from people who care about me and love me. Even when I don’t want the the help. Depression is a darkness that engulfs you in a way that you feel you may never see the light. But with support, hope, and faith that light will outshine the darkness of depression.

I’m still in my healing and recovery process and there are days the darkness shows up. But I can say, it truly isn’t as bad as it used to be. The darkness seems to be more at bay and less severe. Almost as though I can control it. I’m not saying I still don’t have bad days, because I’d be lying. I still get depressed. But my darkness doesn’t consume me enough fo completely shut out the light.

Keep fighting. No matter what. We are ALL survivors. No matter the circumstances or experiences. We CAN do this. We ARE worth it.

Thank you Matt. ?

fuziondanz October 28, 2016 - 4:29 pm

Hi, Matt, i.e. kindred spirit. Claire Cappetta steered me to your site and blog. Really lovely. You have a very relatable way of expressing and you have important things to say and a unique voice to do it with. 🙂

Matt October 28, 2016 - 6:40 pm

Thank you so much and I’m so glad you are able to relate to my writing. My story is real, raw, honest, and vulnerable. I hope you will feel free to comment as often as you are comfortable in doing so.

I’m a survivor just like countless others all over the world, and my hope is that I can continue to write and heal while inspiring and encouraging others.

Super stoked that you commented..thank you!! 🙂

Shattered in Him November 8, 2016 - 5:24 pm

Thank you for this one. My old mindsets have been pushing on me to give in the last few days. I am fighting against it in every single way.

Acceptance, now it's time to move forward with hope. - Surviving My Past November 24, 2016 - 6:12 pm

[…] sat with and explored the Denial, the Anger, the Bargaining, the Depression, and now it’s time to figure out how we move forward, with Acceptance and […]

A soul crushing revelation during inner child work. - Surviving My Past January 2, 2017 - 9:56 am

[…] or start hitting the Anger button, or a combination of both which can then lead very easily to depression.  A feeling of no way out because something that you thought you knew, embraced, and understood is […]

erika January 17, 2017 - 9:32 pm

I do suffer deeply. I think I got a handle on it, then out of nowhere I’m knocked back down with immense hopelessness and major lack of interest in absolutely everything. I’m battling hard against this bipolardepression every day. you can follow my battle at http://www.mybattletoreturnfrombipolardepression.com


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