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narcissistic abuse and brainwashing - surviving my past - chat with lisa romano

Narcissistic Abuse and Brainwashing, an invalidating combination.

by Matt Pappas

One thing about being a survivor on a journey of healing, is that you are constantly learning something new things along the way. It could be about yourself, such as recalling and working through new memories, or about the mental health challenges that you face in your life.  Educating ourselves is a big part of recovery, and anytime you get an opportunity to expand your knowledge, it’s generally a good idea to do so.

That’s one of the main reasons I enjoy talking with subject matter experts on the podcasts; those who have dedicated their lives to working with survivors from all types of traumatic pasts, and empowering them to rise above pain and invalidation that has defined their lives for so long.

lisa a romano - interview on surviving my pastI recently had the pleasure of talking with special guest, Lisa Romano. For those who aren’t familiar with her, Lisa is a Breakthrough Life Coach, Mentor, Bestselling Author, and expert on Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse. She has dedicated her life to helping others awaken to their authentic self.

Lisa has an array of resources available, ranging from the many books she has written, to audio files of workshops and speaking engagements, and of course her coaching services. Her 12 Week Program was created for abused adult children who feel stuck on their road to recovery, in order to help hyper-awaken those who feel ready and in need of transforming the pain and the energies that may have been preventing them from accelerating their personal growth. You can learn more by checking out her website.

During our talk, Lisa outlines exactly what a Narcissist is and specifically what a Narcissistic parent is. As you’ll hear, in the world of a Narcissistic parent, everything is about them.  Everything that happens at home, at work, anywhere and everywhere, it’s all about them.

We also discuss how Narcissistic parents often times rely on the child for narcissistic supply and always need to have constant control their children. They will attempt to instill a mindset of the child being nothing without the parent, and consequently no matter what the child does, the parent gets the credit or is able to push the blame off of themselves and onto the child or someone else.

As a child of a Narcissistic parent, you haven’t felt seen, you haven’t been heard, everything was always your fault. Nothing was about you and everything was about them. It’s a feeling of being used in every invalidating way possible.

We discuss brainwashing, and the importance of being careful not to assume that the Narcissist is or is not aware they are engaging in this activity.  This can create a conflict of empathy and guilt in the mind of the child and later as an adult, as you wonder why you were treated in the way that you were and who’s fault it was.

Narcissistic parents - a chat with lisa a romano - on surviving my past

You’ll also hear how Lisa describes Narcissists as having a total lack of empathy, and are unable to take responsibility for their own actions without blaming someone else or some other situation. This can create a family dynamic that is filled with things like rage, abuse, and complete invalidation.

One of the biggest decisions that adult survivors face is the dilemma of confronting the Narcissistic parent or caregiver. I posed this question to Lisa, and she was able to break down exactly what type of mindset you need to have in order to consider doing this, what to expect and not to expect, and the need to be confident in yourself and your beliefs above all else. Regardless of the outcome.

I appreciate Lisa taking the time to chat with me on the podcast and I’m honored to share it with you, in hopes that her insight and information will help encourage and validate you or the survivor in your life. Please consider sharing it with someone who may need it.

To learn more about Lisa,  all of her books and resources, and to check out her coaching programs, head over LisaARomano.com!


Feature and social media images – Pixabay. Image of Lisa A. Romano used with her permission.


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Athena Moberg, CPC May 25, 2017 - 5:47 pm

Matt and Lisa, I wish I could insert this interview into the earbuds of every survivor I know. Thank you both!

Matt May 26, 2017 - 11:59 am

Thank you my friend for all of your support and encouragement. I do indeed hope that this chat with Lisa helps as many possible. I can’t wait to chat with her again on a future podcast.

Heather Tuba May 26, 2017 - 11:19 am

Matt and Lisa, I loved this interview. Agree with Athena!! A couple of crucial quotes from Lisa: “A narcissist’s agenda is to NOT hear’ you.” “Don’t confront a narcissist until you have done enough work on yourself that you don’t care.” I believe Lisa said ‘don’t give a rat’s ass’! LOL. “Don’t expect a narcissist to change or validate you.” Thank you. Sharing to my social media.

Matt May 26, 2017 - 11:58 am

Wasn’t that interview just so informative and amazing Heather! Lisa is so knowledgeable and so willing to share to help as many as possible. I knew it was going to be a great one before I talked to her, but it exceeded any expectations I had.
Being strong and confident in what we know to be true, and not expecting validation in return is absolutely key.

Charlotte Howard May 26, 2017 - 3:32 pm

Matt and Lisa, this is amazing. So empowering and really opens up a topic not many people talk about! And I know a lot of individuals that could really resonate with this. Thanks for sharing!

Boundaries crossed during a run in with a Narcissistic parent. - Surviving My Past August 7, 2017 - 9:32 am

[…] Through hard work and advocating for ourselves, we learn to what happened and why, and how we can move forward without living in the conditioned state that we were groomed with. (Check out my podcast with Lisa Romano on narcissistic Abuse and Brainwashing). […]

The Boundaries Crossed During a Run-In with a Narcissistic Parent – Lifestyle Blog for the City of Doral | DORAL 360 August 21, 2017 - 10:42 am

[…] Through hard work and advocating for ourselves, we learn to what happened and why, and how we can move forward without living in the conditioned state that we were groomed with. (Check out my podcast with Lisa Romano on narcissistic Abuse and Brainwashing). […]


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