I recently put up a post about how I’m working on discovering what my boundaries are, and if I have any that are healthy. I know that I do have boundaries, but I’m working on trying to establish more healthy ones and less unhealthy ones.
Anyways, I hope you’ll take a look at that post and see where I thought initially that I had very few healthy boundaries, where as in this post I’m discovering that I do have more than I thought. I just wasn’t thinking broad enough I guess, or quite possibly not giving myself enough credit. Imagine that, right!
I’m currently in the middle of reading, Joining Forces, Empowering Survivors to Thrive, by Dr. Howard Franklin. I highly recommend it by the way (and no I get no kickbacks for saying that). In chapter 8 of that book, it talks about establishing healthy boundaries. I have a right to set healthy boundaries and you do too!
In that chapter, there’s a print out of a spreadsheet that contains various statements where the reader is to answer in terms of how they view their own life. I’ve attached my answers below. For the the purposes of my exercise, I omitted some that don’t really apply to me and added a few that weren’t on the list. It’s by no means a full list and you can add in your own too if you’d like. I uploaded up a blank copy that you can download if you want. As always, and I state this on the page, this could be triggering for some so please use it wisely and seek the help of a professional to help you work through it if you feel that’s a safer way to approach this. I’m not a mental health professional, I’m just a regular guy.
Anyways, these statements initially seemed like a no brainer to me and I never thought of some of them as real boundaries until now.
What’s interesting is, not the ones where I answered “always”, but the ones where I didn’t. That reaffirms to me that I still have work to do and gives me some specific direction to follow. I can still be influenced by others, or coerced into going out if I don’t feel like it. While I do personally decide if I go therapy or not, I feel like I need to at the advice of the professional. Same goes with the prescriptions I’m on.
While some of these may seem simplistic and just kind of, “duh”, it’s not so much that way for everyone. Depending on where you are in your recovery journey and what your personal situation is, what you’ve been through, and a myriad of other factors, the answers aren’t so cut and dry in a positive sense.
I just thought I’d share that with you, because it was kind of encouraging for me to find something like this that I can use on my healing journey. I do have some healthy boundaries, and you do too. Find something, anything, and build on it no matter how small you think it is. Every healing journey can only be done one step at a time.
Just maybe there are a few more positives in my life than I thought. Wait, did I just say that?