Day 2 is in the books now, and so far it’s been fairly predictable in terms of my feelings and emotions. Some higher anxiety today than yesterday but tomorrow will be the big key, as that’s normally my 2nd session day of the week. I’m not looking forward to 7pm EST Friday night.
Anxiety Tracking: (see reference chart below)
Wake Up – Elevated – Woke up and felt some anxiety in anticipation of possible Flashback (which didn’t happen).
Morning – Elevated – Work was busy but not too bad. General restlessness and anxiety were present, not sure why.
Afternoon – High – Issue at work that involved many people to resolve, causing a rise in frustration and anxiety.
Evening – Elevated – I was able to calm down a bit when I got home from work, and was feeling pretty ok until I had to head to a school function with my son, and the ex was there. See more in Random Thoughts section.
Bed – Normal – After talking with my friend @linlori , and doing some reading, and catching up on one of my shows, I’m ready to crash out and see what tomorrow brings. #fingerscrossed
Coping Skills used today –
- Music – Listening to one of my favorite albums throughout the work day. Singing along or humming while working always helps.
- Exercise – Went for a walk over lunch, and got an amazing sub from Subway. I highly recommend the new Rotisserie Chicken sub. 🙂
- Mindful breathing.
- Reached out on Twitter and received encouragement from some Survivor friends, Thank you! @brutifullife , @diggergrl1 , @amelievondollar , @linlori – You all helped me a great deal today!
- Reading this evening, starting to really dive into the Complex PTSD, from Surviving to Thriving.
Distraction Skills used today –
- Metronome app on my phone.
- Traced corners of my desk.
Random thoughts of happenings throughout the day –
Waking up with elevated anxiety is nothing new, but I’m still tracking it to see how much it changes this week from what I normally feel. That afternoon at work for a couple hours pretty rough, I could feel the anxiety level rise almost instantly once I got involved in the work issue. That carried over until I got home and was able to chill for a bit.
This evening was ok until I met my youngest son’s mom at a school function. Now, we don’t fight or argue, we get along, which I’m so grateful for. Still though, I’m always a bit on edge around her; although I never was all the years we were married. Lots has changed obviously, but anyways I was glad things went alright this evening.
Doing this writing and tracking is calming yet at the same time makes me a bit anxious to try and think ahead as to how the coming days will be. I just have to stay grounded and not look ahead, time traveling in my mind is a huge problem for me.
Outlook until the next session –
Tomorrow is normally a session day so I suspect things will be a bit tough as the day wears on into the evening.
My normal state consists of parts of the Yellow section. General Anxiety, Fidgety, Restless, Forgetful, Negative Thinking, etc. When I do feel Good, it’s only temporary. My mind is always on something. On a bad day I’m either into the red or right on the border of yellow & red
Normal – Just into into Yellow, but knowing something could happen at anytime to send me into elevated status, is always on my mind.
Elevated – Close to border of Yellow & Red
High – Right on the border of Yellow & Red, if not just into the Red
Crisis – Definitely well into the Red.