My routine was totally out of whack today, nothing like what I normally do. Partly because of some appointments but also just the entire day was jumbled and all over the place with emotions and spending half the day driving around to various places. Then dinner tonight with a friend. Days like this tend to make me feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I’m glad when they are over.
Anxiety Tracking: (see reference chart below)
Wake Up – Elevated – Knowing I have a couple doctor appointments today for blood work results and medication update. I did manage to fall asleep for a short nap after taking the kiddo to school. Perks of having off on Mondays.
Morning – CRISIS – The first doctor appointment was at a hematologist office, which is also a Cancer treatment center as well. I was unbelievably freaked out sitting in the waiting room, and had to wait an hour just to get in.
Afternoon – Elevated then Normal – Second doc appointment was just a checkup with my family doc which went fine. Then I was able to come home, relax, watch a little TV, hang out on Twitter and do some reading and relax.
Evening – Normal, almost Good – Enjoyed dinner out with a friends. Wings and a couple drinks. Then sat down for an amazing #NoMoreShame chat, that I look forward too every week on Twitter.
Bed – Feeling pretty decent – The twitter chat tonight helped big time.
Coping Skills used today –
- Music – trying to distract waiting for the Doctor this morning. Didn’t help in the least.
- Reading – I was way too torqued up to try and focus on reading, so yeah that didn’t help either.
- Reach out – Friend texted me while I happened to be in the office, that helped a bit to chat
- I watched a YouTube video of one of my favorite shows of all time, cast reunion. Gilligan’s Island. That made me smile, relax, man was it ever a blessing after today.
Grounding Skills used today
- Meditation, Calm breathing, Tracing corners, Metronome app, none of it was working this morning. I was a nervous wreck.
Random thoughts of happenings throughout the day –
Just such a terrible morning. My blood pressure was through the roof at the Hematologist this morning, I was fit to be tied and couldn’t wait to get out of there. I don’t want to deal with that ever again if I don’t have too. I haven’t felt that beside myself and so panicked in I don’t know how long. Even when I do have a crisis moment, they aren’t usually as bad as that was.
Thank goodness for weekly Twitter chats. I missed the #CSAQT chat today at 1pm EST but I was able to join the #NoMoreShame video and chat that I enjoy so much. Amazing survivors on these chats, if you have never checked them out you owe to yourself to join one sometime. Anxiety was way down during that, being among online friends and fellow survivors is calming and inspiring.
This has just been a very odd day. Anxiety levels were all over the place all day, spaced out I don’t know how many times especially in the morning but also in the afternoon some too. Then feeling pretty ok tonight, but still wishing I could get a handle on days like this and understand them more.
Outlook until the next session –
After today, I’m so ready for a session it’s not even funny. I have so much to talk about I can’t keep it all straight.
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My normal state consists of parts of the Yellow section. General Anxiety, Fidgety, Restless, Forgetful, Negative Thinking, etc. When I do feel Good, it’s only temporary. My mind is always on something. On a bad day I’m either into the red or right on the border of yellow & red
Good – Anywhere in the Green
Normal – Just into into Yellow, but knowing something could happen at anytime to send me into elevated status, is always on my mind.
Elevated – Close to border of Yellow & Red
High – Right on the border of Yellow & Red, if not just into the Red
Crisis – Definitely well into the Red.
